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How To Be Authentic: A Guide to Living in Alignment with Your True Self
- Dr Laura Allen
- 4 days ago
- 8 min read
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Authenticity has become a buzzword in recent years, but its essence runs far deeper than social media hashtags or casual self-help advice. To be authentic is to live in alignment with your values, beliefs and true nature – even when it is uncomfortable or inconvenient. As Carl Jung wrote, ‘The privilege of a lifetime is to become who you truly are’ (The Undiscovered Self).
Authenticity is not about total transparency at all times, nor is it an excuse to disregard kindness or social awareness. Instead, it is about being grounded in who you are, making decisions that reflect your genuine priorities and relating to others from a place of honesty and integrity. However, as Kishimi and Koga observed, to be authentic and remain true to your values may require The Courage To Be Disliked.
In a world where we are constantly exposed to curated images, performative behaviours and societal pressures, authenticity can feel like a radical act. But the benefits are profound: greater self-esteem, stronger relationships and a deeper sense of life satisfaction. Research has linked authenticity to improved psychological and emotional wellbeing (Wood et al., 2008), greater resilience in the face of chronic stress and enhanced trust from others.
This article explores what authenticity really means and the barriers that can make it difficult. In addition, we will also review a range of practical ways to develop a more authentic way of living.
What does it mean to be authentic?
Authenticity involves knowing yourself, accepting yourself and expressing yourself consistently across different areas of life. It is built on three interlinked pillars:
Self-awareness – understanding your values, preferences, strengths, weaknesses and emotional patterns.
Self-acceptance – being willing to acknowledge your imperfections without harsh self-judgement.
Behavioural alignment – making choices and behaving in ways that reflect your inner values and beliefs.
Being authentic does not mean broadcasting every thought or emotion. It means making conscious, values-based decisions rather than moulding yourself to fit others’ expectations or societal norms. Brené Brown, a research professor known for her work on vulnerability, describes authenticity as “the daily practice of letting go of who we think we’re supposed to be and embracing who we are” (The Gifts of Imperfection).
But before learning about how to be authentic, we must first know our values and why we hold them. Neglecting this part of the process is analogous to setting out on a journey without destination. How do you know where you are going, or even if you are headed in the right direction?
With that in mind, consider having a go at the following exercise. Using the table below (or create your own), make a list of your values. Opposite each value, outline a few thoughts on why they are important to you. (If you feel up to it, have a go at the Being Your Authentic Self Reflection Exercise.)
Why is it hard to be authentic?
Several factors can make authenticity challenging:
Fear of rejection – worrying that others will not accept the ‘real’ you.
Cultural or social conditioning – having internalised beliefs about what is acceptable or expected.
Perfectionism – feeling you must hide flaws to be valued.
Past criticism or trauma – early experiences that taught you to mask your true feelings or needs.
Sometimes, people are only partly aware of the masks they wear. These can become so habitual that living authentically feels risky or even impossible. Developing authenticity often requires unlearning old coping mechanisms and building new habits of self-expression.
The benefits of living authentically
When you live authentically, you experience greater internal harmony because your thoughts, words and actions are aligned. Benefits can include:
Improved mental health – reduced anxiety, depression and emotional exhaustion (Goldman & Kernis, 2002).
Stronger relationships – others trust and respect you more when they sense your honesty.
Greater resilience – your self-worth becomes less dependent on others’ approval.
Increased life satisfaction – you make choices that genuinely serve your long-term wellbeing.
How to be authentic | 6 Tips
We’ve already explored what it really means to be authentic – and you’ve taken the time to uncover your own values and reflect on why they matter to you.
Of course, the journey isn’t always smooth. We’ve looked honestly at the barriers and challenges that can hold us back from living as our truest selves. But we’ve also glimpsed what lies beyond those hurdles: a life that feels more genuine, fulfilling and free. Those rewards are waiting for you – if you’re willing to take that leap of courage and move past what’s in your way.
So, let’s get practical. Here are some clear, actionable steps you can start taking today to bring more authenticity into your everyday life.
How to be authentic tip #1. Develop self-awareness
This journey starts with Socrates’ famous maxim: Know thy self. Of course, you cannot orientate your actions and behaviours toward living more authentically without first knowing yourself. Self-awareness means paying attention to your inner world – your values, emotions and motivations.
Practical ways to improve self-awareness
Journalling – write regularly about your thoughts, feelings and experiences to identify patterns.
Values clarification exercises – list your top five values and consider how your current life aligns with them.
Mindfulness practice – use meditation or mindful reflection to notice your thoughts without judgement.
Reflection – after an interaction or a time when you didn’t feel authentic, when you felt you were wearing a mask or conforming, reflect on why you felt that way.
How to be authentic tip # 2. Learn to say "No"
Many people hide or dilute their authentic selves in order to avoid conflict or win approval. In doing so, they neglect their natural capacity to express their unique individuality. Yet this so-called ‘approval’ often amounts to little more than praise for conforming to the crowd.
While occasional compromise is essential for healthy relationships – mutual give and take is part of any connection – chronic people-pleasing slowly erodes your sense of self.
This is a central theme in The Art of Saying No: when we lack the confidence to decline requests, we risk being taken advantage of. Worse still, we may end up shaping ourselves to fit someone else’s idea of what ‘authenticity’ should look like, rather than living our own truth.
Leading theorists suggest that the people-pleasing tendency stems from our attachment style, which develops during childhood. Covering this subject would take us too far from the central concern of this article. However, the importance of retaining the integrity of our boundaries is such that it forms a core module in our Understanding Attachment course.
Here are three simple tactics to break this cycle.
Ways to address people-pleasing
Pause before saying “yes” – ask yourself if the decision aligns with your values.
Practice expressing small preferences in low-stakes situations.
Remind yourself that saying “no” to others can mean saying “yes” to your own needs.
How to be authentic tip #3. Accept your imperfections
Authenticity isn’t about striving for perfection – it’s about embracing your humanity. When you allow yourself to be seen, flaws and all, you create the freedom to show up exactly as you are. That’s where real confidence begins – not in polishing yourself to meet other peoples’ standards, but in standing firmly in your own skin.
Carrying the belief that you must be perfect or hide your true self just to fit in is like hauling a backpack full of bricks through life. It’s heavy, unnecessary and it slows you down. The moment you set that burden down, you make space for lighter steps, truer connections and the kind of self-acceptance that can’t be shaken by anyone else’s opinion.
How to practice self-acceptance
Reframe mistakes as learning opportunities rather than personal failures.
Use compassionate self-talk, as you would with a friend or parent would with their child.
Limit social comparison by minimising your media consumption.
How to be authentic tip #4. Align actions with values
Knowing your values is just the beginning; the real transformation happens when you let them guide your choices, big and small. It’s in the daily decisions – what you say yes to, what you walk away from, how you spend your time – that your values come alive. This is where authenticity shifts from an idea in your mind to a lived experience.
When your actions consistently reflect what matters most to you, life feels more coherent and purposeful. You stop second-guessing yourself, because your compass is clear. Each aligned choice is like a quiet vote for the person you truly are – and over time, those votes shape a life that feels both grounded and genuinely yours.
Practical tips
Regularly review whether your work, relationships and daily habits reflect your priorities.
When making decisions, ask: Does this choice align with who I want to be?
Set boundaries with people or situations that pull you away from your values.
How to be authentic tip #5. Practice honest communication
Authenticity flourishes when you speak your truth with clarity and respect. Honest communication isn’t about being blunt or hurtful – it’s about expressing your thoughts and feelings in a way that is both genuine and considerate. When you let others see where you truly stand, you create space for real understanding and trust to grow.
Every time you choose honesty over avoidance, you strengthen the foundation of your relationships. People feel safer and more connected when they know they’re hearing the real you, not a filtered version designed to please. And in turn, you get to experience the relief and confidence that comes from being fully seen and heard.
Ways to strengthen communication
Use “I” statements to express needs and feelings without blame.
Be willing to admit when you don’t know something or when you’ve made a mistake.
Share opinions even when they differ, while staying open to other perspectives.
Read Charles Duhigg's highly informative book, Supercommunicators: How to Unlock the Secret Language of Connection.
How to be authentic tip #6. Spend time with people you value
Authenticity needs the right environment to thrive. When you surround yourself with people who value you for who you truly are, you’re more likely to speak openly, take risks and show up without fear of judgement. Supportive relationships act like fertile soil – nourishing your growth and giving you the courage to keep living in alignment with your truth.
On the other hand, spending too much time in spaces where conformity is rewarded can quietly chip away at your confidence. Seek out those who celebrate your individuality, even when you disagree or take a different path. The more you invest in these honest, accepting connections, the more your authentic self will have room to breathe and shine.
Practical steps
Evaluate which relationships energise you and which drain you.
Spend more time with people who accept you without conditions.
Reduce contact with those who pressure you to conform or hide parts of yourself.
Bringing it all together: how to find your true self
Becoming more authentic is not a one-off achievement but an ongoing practice. It requires courage, patience and a willingness to tolerate discomfort when your truth does not match others’ expectations. At times, it will mean making hard choices – such as setting boundaries, leaving situations that compromise your integrity, or taking risks to follow your own path.
However, the rewards are significant. By living authentically, you create a life that reflects your true self, cultivate relationships built on trust, and experience a sense of fulfilment that no amount of external approval can match.
As Brené Brown reminds us, authenticity is a daily practice – one that asks us to show up, be seen and be willing to let go of the version of ourselves we think the world wants. In doing so, we not only free ourselves, but we also give others permission to live more truthfully too.
References:
Brown, B. (2010). The Gifts of Imperfection. Hazelden.
Goldman, B. M., & Kernis, M. H. (2002). The role of authenticity in healthy psychological functioning and subjective well-being. Annals of the American Psychotherapy Association, 5(6), 18–20.
Wood, A. M., Linley, P. A., Maltby, J., Baliousis, M., & Joseph, S. (2008). The authentic personality: A theoretical and empirical conceptualization and the development of the Authenticity Scale. Journal of Counseling Psychology, 55(3), 385–399.
About Dr Laura Allen –
A Chartered Psychologist & Integrative Therapist, Dr. Allen specialises in a broad range of therapeutic methods. She is a published author of numerous research papers in the field of Positive Psychology. Dr. Allen works one-to-one with clients and supervises other practitioners. She is also a proud member of the British Psychological Society assessment team supporting psychologists in training.
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