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Psychological Flexibility: The Key to Mental Strength in a Chaotic World
- Dr Laura Allen
- Jul 22
- 7 min read
Updated: Aug 12
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In a world of constant change, uncertainty and increasing pressure to be everything at once, one trait stands out as essential to our wellbeing: psychological flexibility.
While resilience and grit are often celebrated, psychological flexibility is the unsung hero of mental strength. It’s not about pushing through at all costs, but about adapting, shifting perspective and making choices in line with our values – even in the face of pain, fear, or discomfort. Exercising this mental faculty may also require that you cultivate The Courage To Be Disliked.
So, what is psychological flexibility, and how can cultivating it improve our mental health, relationships, and overall life satisfaction?
What is Psychological Flexibility?
Life is in constant flux. We often must deal with unforeseen challenges. Psychological flexibility is the ability to be present, open and adaptable to changing circumstances – even in the presence of difficult thoughts, emotions, or experiences, and to take action guided by our values.
This concept is at the heart of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), a modern behavioural therapy that blends mindfulness strategies with behaviour change principles. Steven Hayes, one of the founders of ACT, reminds us that this approach is about reframing our perspective so that we 'look at thought, rather than from thought,' (Get Out Of Your Mind And Into Your Life). ACT defines psychological flexibility as comprising six core processes:
Cognitive diffusion – Detaching from unhelpful thoughts.
Acceptance – Allowing thoughts and emotions to come and go without struggling against them.
Contact with the present moment – Being here and now, rather than lost in the past or future.
Self-as-context – Seeing ourselves as more than our thoughts and feelings.
Values – Identifying what truly matters to us.
Committed action – Taking steps guided by our values, even in the presence of discomfort.
Together, these processes help us live more meaningful lives, rather than being ruled by avoidance, fear, or rumination.
Why Psychological Flexibility Matters
Research consistently shows that psychological flexibility is a predictor of wellbeing across various domains:
Lower rates of anxiety and depression
Better emotional regulation
Greater life satisfaction and happiness
Improved relationship quality
Better performance at work and in school
One reason it’s so powerful is that it allows us to respond, not react. Instead of getting hooked by difficult thoughts (“I’m not good enough,” “This is hopeless”) or overwhelming feelings, we can pause, acknowledge what’s happening internally, and choose how we want to act – based on values, not fear.
This capacity becomes especially crucial in times of stress, uncertainty, or loss – situations we all face, sooner or later.
Related: Understanding Grief and Loss
The Opposite: Psychological Inflexibility
Psychological inflexibility is when we become fused with our thoughts, avoid painful emotions at all costs, or feel stuck because we are unwilling to risk discomfort. Examples include:
Avoiding social situations due to anxiety
Procrastinating on important work because of fear of failure
Ruminating about the past or catastrophizing about the future
Feeling paralyzed by self-judgment
These patterns are understandable – but they keep us from growing, connecting, or living a life that aligns with what we care about.
Inflexibility isn’t a personal flaw. It’s often a protective response developed over time. But left unchecked, it can lead to chronic stress, disconnection, and missed opportunities.
How to Cultivate Psychological Flexibility
The good news? Psychological flexibility is not a fixed trait. It’s a skill – and like any skill, it can be practiced and strengthened over time.
Here’s how to begin:
1. Practice Acceptance, Not Avoidance
We are wired to avoid pain. But emotional avoidance often makes things worse. Trying not to feel anxious may increase anxiety. Avoiding grief prolongs suffering.
Instead, practice emotional acceptance. Notice your internal experience – without needing to change or fix it. You can say: “I’m noticing anxiety in my chest right now. That’s okay.”
This doesn’t mean you like it. It means you’re making space for it, rather than fighting against it.
2. Defuse from Your Thoughts
Thoughts are not facts. But when we’re fused with them, they feel like absolute truths. Robert M. Sapolsky emphasises this point in his book Behave. The capacity to become emotionally perturbed by the electrochemical signals coursing through our brains (aka thoughts) can have tremendous adverse impacts on our psychological wellbeing. Negative mental processes (a hostile 'inner voice') can cause stress, anxiety and even depression. But as Sapolsky highlights in Why Zebras Don't Get Ulcers, we also possess the power to manage mental dysphoria. Here are some simple tips:
Instead of “I’ll fail if I try,” notice the thought and label it: “I’m having the thought that I’ll fail.”
This small shift can create distance between you and your internal dialogue, giving you room to choose your response.
Another useful technique: Say your negative thought in a silly voice or sing it aloud. This method highlights how thoughts are just sounds and mental events – not reality.
3. Be Present
Psychological inflexibility often involves getting lost in the past (“Why did I do that?”) or worrying about the future (“What if it all goes wrong?”).
Mindfulness brings us back to now – the only moment we can truly influence. Start with simple practices:
Focus on your breath for 60 seconds
Observe the sights, sounds, and smells around you
Feel your feet on the floor
These small anchors can help ground you in the present, reducing anxiety and rumination.
4. Identify Your Values
What matters most to you? Values are not goals – they are directions, not destinations. For example:
Being a caring parent
Living with honesty
Contributing to your community
Growing as a learner
Clarifying your values helps you navigate life’s challenges with purpose. You can ask:
“What kind of person do I want to be, even in the face of this difficulty?”
Helpful tool: Daily Success Journal
5. Take Committed Action
Flexibility doesn’t mean passivity. It means being willing to act in line with your values – even when it's hard.
That might mean:
Speaking up for yourself, even if your voice shakes
Taking a small step toward a goal, despite fear
Reaching out to a friend, even if you feel vulnerable
Each step builds confidence, momentum, and resilience.
6. See Yourself as the Observer, Not the Content
In moments of emotional turmoil, it’s easy to believe we are our thoughts or feelings: “I’m broken,” “I’m a failure.”
But as Michael Neill observes in his book The Inside Out Revolution, you are not your thoughts. You are the observer of your experiences – the awareness behind the story.
This perspective, called “self-as-context,” helps you hold your identity lightly. You can feel deep sadness and still act courageously. You can doubt yourself and still move forward.
Real-World Examples of Psychological Flexibility
Let’s bring this to life with a few scenarios:
Example 1: The Job Interview
Emma has an important job interview. She wakes up feeling anxious: “What if I blow it?” Her stomach is tight, her heart races.
In an inflexible state, she might cancel last minute to avoid the discomfort.
With flexibility, Emma notices the anxiety, accepts it, and grounds herself with deep breaths. She reminds herself of her values – growth and professional development – and chooses to attend the interview, bringing her anxiety along for the ride. And if she starts to feel overwhelmed, Emma can always fall back on these tried and tested methods to manage anxiety.
Example 2: Relationship Conflict
Alex and Jamie are having recurring arguments. Alex often shuts down to avoid the discomfort of confrontation.
Through cultivating flexibility, Alex begins to notice the urge to withdraw and instead takes a breath, names his value of being a caring partner, and chooses to stay present for the conversation – even if it's uncomfortable.
This creates space for deeper connection and resolution.
Barriers to Flexibility (and how to overcome them)
While the concept is simple, practicing psychological flexibility can be hard – especially if you're used to avoiding pain or striving for control.
Here are some common challenges:
Perfectionism: Letting go of rigid standards and embracing “good enough” opens the door to flexibility.
Fear of vulnerability: Accepting that discomfort is part of growth helps reduce avoidance.
Cultural norms: Many cultures prioritise control, stoicism, or avoidance of emotion. Practicing flexibility may go against ingrained habits – but it's worth it.
Therapies like ACT, mindfulness training, and self-compassion practices can all support this shift.
The Payoff: A More Meaningful Life
Psychological flexibility doesn’t eliminate pain – it changes your relationship with it.
When we stop running from discomfort and start engaging with life on purpose, we gain:
Freedom: From old patterns, limiting beliefs, and automatic reactions.
Clarity: About what really matters.
Agency: To make choices that align with our true selves.
Resilience: Not the brittle kind, but a dynamic ability to bend without breaking.
In a chaotic world, psychological flexibility may be the most important skill we can develop – not just for survival, but for thriving. Regular mindfulness meditation practice has been shown to bring about a greater degree of intrapersonal awareness.
Final thoughts
Psychological flexibility is not about becoming invulnerable. It’s about becoming more human – more open, compassionate, and courageous in the face of life’s inevitable ups and downs.
You don’t have to master it overnight. Start small. Pause. Notice. Breathe. Ask: “What matters most right now?”
From that place, take one step forward. Even if it’s messy. Especially if it’s messy. Because that’s where real growth happens.
Want to explore more? Consider reading Steven C. Hayes’ book "A Liberated Mind" or checking out guided ACT exercises online. Therapy, too, can be a powerful space for developing flexibility and values-based living.
About Dr Laura Allen –
A Chartered Psychologist & Integrative Therapist, Dr. Allen specialises in a broad range of therapeutic methods. She is a published author of numerous research papers in the field of Positive Psychology. Dr. Allen works one-to-one with clients and supervises other practitioners. She is also a proud member of the British Psychological Society assessment team supporting psychologists in training.
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